As we approach Thanksgiving week, I feel inspired to write down what I've learned about thankfulness this past year. Not in a cheesy "Hey! It's Thanksgiving! Let's be thankful for one day and then go back to real life!" way. But in a "What a great opportunity Thanksgiving is to remember how I should be thankful year round!" way.
For me, part of learning to appreciate the blessings in my life is learning to be thankful. (Again, hence the title of my blog!)
I'll be honest- I have not historically been a thankful person. I would be more aptly characterized as a grumbler than as one who is thankful. I'm usually a pretty sneaky grumbler... I am not likely to vocalize my grumbling to friends who might call me out in my sin. Instead, it is my thought life where this grumbling is loudest. I whine, I complain, I sulk and I regularly tell God in no uncertain terms about what sucks in my life. I rationalize this by thinking "Hey, I'm not hurting anyone! I'm just being honest about what I feel. I'm supposed to be honest with God, right?"
Right! Of course I should be honest with God. But honesty about my pain does not equal grumbling. The two are quite different. There's also the question of what my heart is choosing to dwell on. Do I spend my time and energy focused on what I wish was different? Or do I instead let my heart dwell on God's goodness and His many blessings to me?
Over a year ago, a wise pastor and friend challenged Adam and I to write down a list of all the things in our lives we were thankful for- essentially a list of how God has blessed us. At the time, I was in a tough season where my pain seemed more consuming than anything else. I entered into a brief argument about how I really didn't have much to be thankful for. "God brought you here and rescued you from some really hard experiences. You're alive, you have a husband who loves you, and you have a church family. I'm guessing you could add to that list." he challenged. I reluctantly began to write down my list. What I expected to be a brief exercise turned into a several month long process of adding things to my list. I still have this list in my journal and add to it regularly. Surprisingly, when I stopped writing that first day, I felt better. My pain wasn't any less; I was still in the midst of the same difficult season. But my heart had been quieted by realizing how many good things God had done and was doing in my life.
In a follow-up conversation with the same friend, he challenged me to analyze where my heart was dwelling. Yes, I was struggling with some painful wounds. God doesn't ignore my pain or require me to forget what has happened to me. But why was I allowing my heart to dwell in the pain and focus on my despair? Isn't what God has done for me more important? Isn't it a far greater treasure to know who God is? Wrestling with this challenge, I realized that having my heart dwell in my pain was making my misery seem larger than God. Instead, my heart should dwell in the truth of who God is, because that is where my hope is found! Looking at all of the blessings He has given me and being thankful for them helps keep my heart in this new place.
I've found two verses that have changed my thinking on thankfulness.
The first is Psalm 107:1. "Oh give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, for His steadfast love endures forever!" Notice what this verse says to give thanks about. I am called to thankfulness because of who God is. His goodness and His steadfast love for me are constant and the reasons I have to hope. A dear friend of mine pointed out this verse to me. I can still see her waving her arms emphatically in the air and declaring "God's steadfast love is what I am thankful for, even when I am in intense pain. What do I have to grumble about when I see how much He loves me?"
The second verse is 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18. "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." This is a verse I initially had a hard time buying into. Give thanks in all circumstances? Really? Even the circumstances that leave me crying and in intense pain? Yes. Even in those circumstances. You see, my thankfulness isn't dictated by my circumstances or reliant on my happiness in that moment. I am thankful because of who God is. And out of that heart flows the ability to give thanks to Him even in the midst of hard times.
Today, I am thankful for a God who never leaves or loses patience with me even when I sulk and panic. I am thankful for a thoughtful husband who got up early this morning to sit on the beach with me before work, even though he wasn't feeling well. I am thankful for a daughter who is learning to grab my earrings and giggles when I remove them from her grasp.
I have so much to be thankful for. We all do! We have a God who is good and who loves us. Our hope is in Him, not our circumstances.
What are you thankful for?
Friday, November 19, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
learning to appreciate every moment
Have you ever lived in the moment? I mean really lived in the moment. Have you been completely present in what is happening right now without worrying about the future or reliving the past?
I realize that I have rarely (if ever!) lived in the moment.
I find myself with a constant list collecting in my head of everything I need to do in an hour or tomorrow. I tend to daydream about my wishes and hopes for the future. I also have an ever present ulcer fueled by the "what ifs" in my life... What if I make a fool of myself? What if I fail as a mother or wife? What if Nicole gets really sick? I realize these questions seem silly typed out. But a surprisingly large portion of my thought life is spend worrying.
I do NOT think it is wrong to be wise and plan for the future. Please hear me say that! But for persistent worriers and over-thinkers like myself, the challenge is to focus on today. It is easy to prudently plan for the future at the expense of stopping to "smell the roses."
I also frequently get trapped in yesterday. I replay good and bad moments over and over in my mind. "Oh, I wish I had said this instead!" I fret. I am consumed by the pain of an experience I've had. I remember moments of approval from others and define my worth through them. I remember moments of pain and am easily overwhelmed by my grief.
What I am not saying is to ignore the past. No good comes from "white-knuckling" through painful experiences and pretending they didn't exist. It is equally important to remember how God has blessed me in the past and marvel about where He has brought me.
What I find myself convicted of is how often I dwell on the past and the future and how rarely I focus on today. By doing this, I miss out on what God is doing presently in my life. I am consumed by my past pain or my worrying about tomorrow instead of being thankful for the gifts He has given me in my life. I'm not entitled to a happy life or a life free of pain. Every blessing in my life is a precious gift.
Since becoming a mother 5 months ago, I've been challenged to enjoy today without being trapped by the future or the past. I remember lying in the hospital bed and slowly recovering from surgery with Nicole a few hours old. My doctor broke the news that, due to medical complications from her birth, it is very unlikely I will have another child. I couldn't quite wrap my mind around what the doctor was saying. It seemed surreal.
A few hours later, I was holding Nicole and looking at her precious little face. It hit me that there is no "do-over" for parenting her. I have today and that's all. However many days God has numbered for us to be on earth together, that's what I have to love her and mother her. Realizing that there will probably be no second time of snuggling in a hospital bed with my just born baby helped me see the importance of treasuring each moment with her. Every baby smile and giggle is a gift. Waking up in the middle of the night to soothe her and wipe her tears away is an honor. It is foolish to waste my days worrying about how I will fail Nicole as a mother. Instead, I am called to love Christ and learn how to love my daughter.
It took having a baby and being told she's probably my only biological child to realize how little I live in today. It would be easy as a mother to brush past precious moments with my daughter by thinking "I'll enjoy that with my next baby. Today, I need to worry about ___." God's been showing me how often I waste time and energy when I don't trust Him with my past and future. It is a waste of the blessings He has given me to focus solely on the "what ifs" and my pain.
Living in the moment is trusting God with my future and past.
Matthew 6: 25-34
I realize that I have rarely (if ever!) lived in the moment.
I find myself with a constant list collecting in my head of everything I need to do in an hour or tomorrow. I tend to daydream about my wishes and hopes for the future. I also have an ever present ulcer fueled by the "what ifs" in my life... What if I make a fool of myself? What if I fail as a mother or wife? What if Nicole gets really sick? I realize these questions seem silly typed out. But a surprisingly large portion of my thought life is spend worrying.
I do NOT think it is wrong to be wise and plan for the future. Please hear me say that! But for persistent worriers and over-thinkers like myself, the challenge is to focus on today. It is easy to prudently plan for the future at the expense of stopping to "smell the roses."
I also frequently get trapped in yesterday. I replay good and bad moments over and over in my mind. "Oh, I wish I had said this instead!" I fret. I am consumed by the pain of an experience I've had. I remember moments of approval from others and define my worth through them. I remember moments of pain and am easily overwhelmed by my grief.
What I am not saying is to ignore the past. No good comes from "white-knuckling" through painful experiences and pretending they didn't exist. It is equally important to remember how God has blessed me in the past and marvel about where He has brought me.
What I find myself convicted of is how often I dwell on the past and the future and how rarely I focus on today. By doing this, I miss out on what God is doing presently in my life. I am consumed by my past pain or my worrying about tomorrow instead of being thankful for the gifts He has given me in my life. I'm not entitled to a happy life or a life free of pain. Every blessing in my life is a precious gift.
Since becoming a mother 5 months ago, I've been challenged to enjoy today without being trapped by the future or the past. I remember lying in the hospital bed and slowly recovering from surgery with Nicole a few hours old. My doctor broke the news that, due to medical complications from her birth, it is very unlikely I will have another child. I couldn't quite wrap my mind around what the doctor was saying. It seemed surreal.
A few hours later, I was holding Nicole and looking at her precious little face. It hit me that there is no "do-over" for parenting her. I have today and that's all. However many days God has numbered for us to be on earth together, that's what I have to love her and mother her. Realizing that there will probably be no second time of snuggling in a hospital bed with my just born baby helped me see the importance of treasuring each moment with her. Every baby smile and giggle is a gift. Waking up in the middle of the night to soothe her and wipe her tears away is an honor. It is foolish to waste my days worrying about how I will fail Nicole as a mother. Instead, I am called to love Christ and learn how to love my daughter.
It took having a baby and being told she's probably my only biological child to realize how little I live in today. It would be easy as a mother to brush past precious moments with my daughter by thinking "I'll enjoy that with my next baby. Today, I need to worry about ___." God's been showing me how often I waste time and energy when I don't trust Him with my past and future. It is a waste of the blessings He has given me to focus solely on the "what ifs" and my pain.
Living in the moment is trusting God with my future and past.
Matthew 6: 25-34
25 "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? 28And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 29yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. 34 "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
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