giving thanks

As we approach Thanksgiving week, I feel inspired to write down what I've learned about thankfulness this past year. Not in a cheesy "Hey! It's Thanksgiving! Let's be thankful for one day and then go back to real life!" way. But in a "What a great opportunity Thanksgiving is to remember how I should be thankful year round!" way.

For me, part of learning to appreciate the blessings in my life is learning to be thankful. (Again, hence the title of my blog!)

I'll be honest- I have not historically been a thankful person. I would be more aptly characterized as a grumbler than as one who is thankful. I'm usually a pretty sneaky grumbler... I am not likely to vocalize my grumbling to friends who might call me out in my sin. Instead, it is my thought life where this grumbling is loudest. I whine, I complain, I sulk and I regularly tell God in no uncertain terms about what sucks in my life. I rationalize this by thinking "Hey, I'm not hurting anyone! I'm just being honest about what I feel. I'm supposed to be honest with God, right?"

Right! Of course I should be honest with God. But honesty about my pain does not equal grumbling. The two are quite different. There's also the question of what my heart is choosing to dwell on. Do I spend my time and energy focused on what I wish was different? Or do I instead let my heart dwell on God's goodness and His many blessings to me?

Over a year ago, a wise pastor and friend challenged Adam and I to write down a list of all the things in our lives we were thankful for- essentially a list of how God has blessed us. At the time, I was in a tough season where my pain seemed more consuming than anything else. I entered into a brief argument about how I really didn't have much to be thankful for. "God brought you here and rescued you from some really hard experiences. You're alive, you have a husband who loves you, and you have a church family. I'm guessing you could add to that list." he challenged. I reluctantly began to write down my list. What I expected to be a brief exercise turned into a several month long process of adding things to my list. I still have this list in my journal and add to it regularly. Surprisingly, when I stopped writing that first day, I felt better. My pain wasn't any less; I was still in the midst of the same difficult season. But my heart had been quieted by realizing how many good things God had done and was doing in my life.

In a follow-up conversation with the same friend, he challenged me to analyze where my heart was dwelling. Yes, I was struggling with some painful wounds. God doesn't ignore my pain or require me to forget what has happened to me. But why was I allowing my heart to dwell in the pain and focus on my despair? Isn't what God has done for me more important? Isn't it a far greater treasure to know who God is? Wrestling with this challenge, I realized that having my heart dwell in my pain was making my misery seem larger than God. Instead, my heart should dwell in the truth of who God is, because that is where my hope is found! Looking at all of the blessings He has given me and being thankful for them helps keep my heart in this new place.

I've found two verses that have changed my thinking on thankfulness.

The first is Psalm 107:1. "Oh give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, for His steadfast love endures forever!" Notice what this verse says to give thanks about. I am called to thankfulness because of who God is. His goodness and His steadfast love for me are constant and the reasons I have to hope. A dear friend of mine pointed out this verse to me. I can still see her waving her arms emphatically in the air and declaring "God's steadfast love is what I am thankful for, even when I am in intense pain. What do I have to grumble about when I see how much He loves me?"

The second verse is 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18. "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." This is a verse I initially had a hard time buying into. Give thanks in all circumstances? Really? Even the circumstances that leave me crying and in intense pain? Yes. Even in those circumstances. You see, my thankfulness isn't dictated by my circumstances or reliant on my happiness in that moment. I am thankful because of who God is. And out of that heart flows the ability to give thanks to Him even in the midst of hard times.

Today, I am thankful for a God who never leaves or loses patience with me even when I sulk and panic. I am thankful for a thoughtful husband who got up early this morning to sit on the beach with me before work, even though he wasn't feeling well. I am thankful for a daughter who is learning to grab my earrings and giggles when I remove them from her grasp.

I have so much to be thankful for. We all do! We have a God who is good and who loves us. Our hope is in Him, not our circumstances.

What are you thankful for?